This article first appeared on Queentoo Magazine in 2015—my first magazine article sale!
Tell-tales of Mr Rightly Wrong
Blinded by rose-tinted glasses, or mellowed out by good Merlot, it’s often difficult to spot Mr Rightly Wrong until you’re in a little too deep, and he’spawned dependence into your life. Sometimes we ignore little (and some pretty big) tell-tale signs that would otherwise be deal-breakers, just so we don’t have to dine alone.
Here’s ten tell-tale signs that should warn you to make a break for it before it’s too late.
It’s been two years since you’ve introduced him to your dog, two years in which your dog still barks at him every single time.
That doggie sense must be picking up some strange vibes…
Your cat hisses at the space just behind him, no matter where he stands.
That kitty sense must be picking up some seriously bad vibes…
His car is worth more than his house, whichever way you look at it.
Not a man you want to be depending on in the future.
He quotes religious text at you with a disapproving eye whenever you voice your own opinion but he never once (to your knowledge) practices what he preaches unless he gets acclaim and bragging rights for years.
Selfish hypocrites are never fun, quite the opposite.
He never gets your jokes.
Do you really want to be minutely explaining every single joke you tell; only to be rewarded with an insincere smile, fake giggle or blank stare?
He thinks he’s smarter than you in every way.
Oh yeah? Who thought shipping sand to Timbuktu was a good idea, uh? We’ll say no more except for: Respect.
You remind him of his mother.
Ohhkay…let’s not go there.
When it comes to friends and family, he never supports you in debates and arguments, nor does he defend you from unjust behaviour.
You can’t count on him. Not now, not in the future, not when the aliens invade. He’ll be the first to sell you out to save his own skin.
He drives like a maniac, delighting in your screams of terror and exhortations to slow down.
This guy is an accident waiting to happen—a serious, painful one with scars that will take too long to fade, if ever. Besides, death from old-age is more your thing.
He’s a tattle-tail and a gossip.
Every private thought, conversation and action of yours will be fodder for his social media accounts. It would probably be more fun being stalked by the FBI or CIA. At least they won’t gossip about your life.
There you have my totally subjective top ten.
Have I forgotten a major tell-tale? Put down that glass of Merlot and let us know.
If you like this, you may also like How Not To Meet The Man Of Your Dreams 😀